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When "Thank You" is Too Difficult - Parashat Ki Tavo 5778, August 31, 2018


This week’s parasha, Parashat Ki Tavo, opens with a presentation of the mitzvah of the bikkurim. Bikkurim are a farmer’s first fruits which the Torah commands us to offer in service of Hashem.
The Torah commands that the offering of the bikkurim must be accompanied by a declaration called mikra bikkurim.

              “And you will call out and say before the Lord, your G-d, ‘An Aramean (sought to) destroy my forefather, and he went down to Egypt and sojourned there with a small number of people, and there, he became a great nation, mighty and numerous. And the Egyptians demonized and afflicted us, and they imposed hard labor upon us. So we cried out to the Lord, G-d of our fathers, and the Lord heard our voice and saw our affliction, our toil and our oppression. And the Lord brought us out from Egypt with a strong hand and with an outstretched arm, with great awe, and with signs and wonders. And He brought us to this place, and He gave us this land, a land flowing with milk and honey.’”

This identical text serves as the backbone of the maggid portion of the haggadah on Pesach, in which we recite each of the verses above and share Rabbinic interpretation of each verse. Thus, Jews are obligated to tell the story of the exodus from Egypt twice – once on Pesach and once when offering the bikkurim.

The Rav, Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik, suggests that these two obligations, to tell the story of the exodus from Egypt on Pesach and when offering the bikkurim, are rooted in the concept of hakarat hatov, expressing gratitude for the good that Hashem did for the Jewish People in redeeming our people from Egypt. In the haggadah, we say song – shira – regarding the exodus; in mikra bikkurim, we give praise to Hashem – shevach – about the exodus.

In Tanach, shira, song, is always associated with praise. However, mikra bikkurim is the recitation of the narrative above. Thus praise embedded in mikra bikkurim is not obvious. The Rav explains that the recitation of this narrative is what constitutes the praise of Hashem. Similar to the praise that we convey through reading the narrative of Megilat Esther on Purim, telling the story of the exodus from Egypt is, by itself, praise of Hashem. As the Rav says, “the thanksgiving is implicit in the narration itself. All one is required to do is tell the truth.” (Chumash Masoret HaRav)

As parents and as educators, it is incumbent upon us to teach our children and students to freely express gratitude when others have done good for us. In this vein, it is also important for us to teach our children and students to recognize that Hashem constantly does good for us. Expressing gratitude is often difficult – particularly for children. How can we help our children and students to overcome this difficulty?

Employing the Rav’s idea, praise can be accomplished in two ways: through “singing” another’s praises and through recounting the specifics of how the other has created good for you. I have found that the first type of praise is far more difficult than the second type. It is often easier to tell a story of the good things that another has done for you (“that man gave me a lollipop in shul!”) than express gratitude for that good thing (“thank you for giving me a lollipop!”). This concept offers parents and teachers an alternate strategy when children have difficulty acknowledging gratitude – have them tell the story of the good that they received. This story is, in itself, praise, and can serve as an opening to teach a child to show gratitude.


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